oh poop

When I started this blog last week, I thought "what if my life suddenly becomes indescribably normal and boring now that I have decided to write about it?"

HAH - I should be so lucky :)

*warning if you are poop-story-a-phobic do NOT continue reading*

After this morning's events of re-arranging the mess in the house we headed off to dance. We were SUPPOSED to be heading to a birthday party with Jessi but we had the wrong day - not completely my fault except the part where I trusted that the information given to me from Jessi, passed along to her by another 8 year old, supposedly originating from said 8 year old's mother was accurately relayed. Something got lost in translation because the party was yesterday. UGH!! I have to say that sometimes things truly aren't fair for Jessi - but that is a whole entry unto itself!!

So we head off to dance, with a stop for a haircut for JJ along the way. NOT my favorite activity - my completely agreeable 12 year old becomes sullen and miserable the two times a year I insist he get his hair cut. It only lasts a brief time but still not very pleasant. We arrive at dance a little early, Jessi heads off to her class and JJ says - "I think Jordie is stinky." My heart sank!! I was just thinking the other night how I have finally pretty much relaxed in this area - not completely - I am still highly conscious of making her go on a regular basis and don't trust her at all to tell me when she has to, but we have come a long way in the last six months. I do a furtive check and don't see anything but I smelled something too so I sent JJ out to get my purse from the car for wipes and clean underwear. He comes in with the purse which somehow has no wipes in it. As a mother of five and half I truly believe that wipes are one of the most if not the ABSOLUTE MOST essential tool. So how is it that I am without them more often than I care to count??? I send him back out to the car to look - five minutes later he comes back in - no wipes any where in the car!! AARGH!!!

Now we are waiting to get into the bathroom where multiple girls are getting changed. They are all finally out and we are about to enter when another girl slips in ahead of us to fill her water bottle - really? You can't walk upstairs to the water fountain? But eventually we are in - I pull down her pants - false alarm!! Whew, all that and we dodged a bullet - must, must, must remember to put wipes in both my purse and my car!!!!

I sat back down in the lobby, relief filling my heart, when Nathan crawls over to me - oh boy - here is the stinky one! I tell JJ to watch the other two while I change him thinking - ugh but no big deal. HAH - since Nathan has blown out a diaper the last three days I have had him I am not sure what crazy world I was living in at that moment!! I get him in the bathroom lay him down and pull up his onesie - ugh!! This was definitely a "wish there was a bathtub, hose, fire hydrant anywhere nearby" moment! !Suffice it to say I threw the onesie in the trash (sorry Jen I owe you one but there was no way that one was coming home), managed to get the onesie over his head without getting poop in his hair (I must say I take a little pride in having perfected this skill), get him cleaned up (at least there was running water and plenty of paper towels in this wipeless scenerio of mine). I start to clean up the little spot of poop on the waistband of his jeans thinking it will just have to do until we get home (of course having extra clothes would be far to organized of me!!) and realize there is poop falling out of them into the sink - huge poop leakage had gone on in those pants!! Sigh - cleaned up the sink and get a bag for the jeans.

Next problem - did I mention I have no other pants for Nathan and by the way it is MN in the WINTER? Jordan is off to her dance class, having discarded the sweats - hot pink sweats - she wore there. Hmmm - whatever you gotta do right? So poor Nathan crawled around in hot pink sweats that were literally 5 sizes to big for him for the next hour. Numerous times he literally crawled right out of them. At which Timothy would run over and grab them, "Nathan, uh oh, Nathan pants!!!!" I got a few disapproving looks from a couple of the moms and some good laughs from the others. Glad we could provide some entertainment!! And for those looking on reproachfully - sorry that you have never had a day like this - maybe you need more kids!!! :)

This whole thing brings flashbacks of other times in this predicament (apparently I am a slow learner) - like the day at the beach that Timothy blew out his diaper and spent the rest of the afternoon in one of Julia's shirts (so Timothy and Nathan can be in therapy together for gender issues later in life), and the time at Wendy's when JJ was about 2.5 and Bethany was about 1 and she exploded - JJ pulled all the toilet paper all over the bathroom as I cleaned that one up and Bethany went home wearing JJ's sweatshirt on her legs like pants - quite the fashion statement!! Remembering that time makes me even more grateful that I had a much more helpful JJ today, to coral the other two while I took care of Nathan.

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful - except for the piece of bread that Timothy turned into confetti and threw around the lobby and when he stole Nathan's bottle and ran across the room shaking it upside down. "I funny" - I knew that would come to haunt me again!! But we managed to leave without destroying any costumes that were being rhinestoned and without any children being rhinestoned so I guess all in all we came out ahead of the game!!!